Interviews with Deaf Transgender people

Renca: This week is Trans Awareness Week. The Daily Moth reached out to three Deaf trans people: Zee Chauhan, Blake Culley, and Asteria L. Summers. Zee and Blake had an interview and Asteria provided a statement. We asked about their experiences and their journey as a trans person. We also asked what they think that the Deaf community needs to be more aware about.

Blake: I’m Blake Culley. My pronouns are they/them/their.

Zee: I’m Zee Chauhan. I’m from California and have been here all my life.

Blake: I identify as trans nonbinary, which means I don’t identify as either a man or woman. Sometimes I identify with both, and sometimes I’m more oriented towards one or the other. Sometimes I identify with neither at all. So, that’s my nonbinary identity - I’m fluid.

Zee: I identify as trans masculine. It was last year, I can’t remember - time goes so fast! Anyway, last year.

Blake: I was born female, and in the trans community that’s called AFAB - Assigned Female at Birth. So, I’m AFAB, trans, and nonbinary with many more identities. I know it’s hard to keep up. I’m 32. I realized I was nonbinary when I was about 28 years old. In this generation and this time, coming out at 28 is kind of late. But now, people who are in their 60s, 70s and 80s are coming out as trans. The reason I mentioned my age is because at 28, I realized that I was trans. I realized later that was because I didn’t have access to information as a Deaf person. There are so many YouTube channels by trans people that you can follow if you’re hearing or have access to the spoken English language. I didn’t have access to that. Many Deaf trans people have little access as well and they’re not out or stay in the closet. It’s called stealth, which means they are trans but they’re not out as trans. They live their lives with their identity, but no one knows they’re trans. That’s called stealth. So, some Deaf trans are like that, and they don’t know how to get support. At that time, when I was 28… Really, I started to realize this about myself probably since high school, but I didn’t have information, exposure, or access. So at that time, the Deaf trans community was very small. Where were they? So, social media did help.

Zee: My whole life, I always knew I was meant to be a boy. I wanted to become a boy. Even though my parents and family knew that I was trans, they didn’t tell me because they let me grow and go through my journey, you know? I was very confident back then before puberty hit. I did whatever I wanted and wore whatever clothes and hairstyle I wanted, and all was good until puberty hit me. At the same time middle school and high school were happening, so there were big changes and I saw differences like different groups forming. So I felt forced to choose where to go, and didn’t have enough resources at the time. I had no idea. Social media was a new thing. I went through a tough time in middle school and high school, and I became much less confident even though I’m Zee - my name has been Zee my whole life. I used to have another name, yes, but my parents have always called me Zee. I remember one word when someone shared their experience and journey through high school. I just thought, “Oh”. Oh! That’s it. That makes sense. Everything became clear to me. Before that, I had been trying to figure out who I was and find a solution to my mixed feelings. That word, transgender, was the answer and I finally understood clearly. Oh, all right. I was thrilled, and I felt better. I hurried home and told my mom, and she said she knew all along. My whole family already knew.

Renca: What do you, as a Deaf trans person, often face? Share at least one type of frustration that you face. What would that be?

Blake: Not bad bad, but this is kind of an annoyance. When Deaf people who know me from before my transition don’t realize that I’ve transitioned. They’d be like, “Are you…?” and share my birth name, or my dead name. That name is old news. And I’m like “Yeah…” and then I have to come out over and over again, because the Deaf community is small. I know several hearing trans people who can just disappear and show up in a new city where nobody knows anything, and they can start a brand new life with their identity, name, pronouns, and everything without having to come out again unless they start dating or things get more deep. In the Deaf community, that’s a big challenge. It’s guaranteed that I’ll find someone who will message me on my Instagram and be like, are you that person? I’m like, yes, that’s me, but… I’m still me, but with a different name. That’s one frustrating thing I face. And sometimes people don’t realize that there are some Deaf trans who might not want to talk about their journey. People might assume that because I’m open about mine that all Deaf trans people are the same way. That’s not true. You need to ask someone if you can ask a personal question about their trans identity and be open to their response, and if they say yes, then sure, go ahead and have a conversation. If they say no, then respect them and let it go.

Zee: I noticed that my classmates and friends who know I identify as a man and have preferred pronouns expect me to man up. Why do I have to man up? I don’t have to, but they think that being male means I need to man up. That term comes up often. It actually happened in class, when someone told me to man up. In my class? Why would you say that to me? I can cry, I can do whatever I want. That’s fine. I can do feminine things. That’s okay. All of that is fine. But people make comments about having to man up, and it doesn’t matter, you know? That’s one thing I’m very frustrated about. It’s hard for me because I want to keep those friends, but I can’t let them degrade me constantly.

Renca: Right.

Zee: I have to set boundaries and be honest with them that it needs to stop.

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Renca: If you could choose one thing that you would like for the Deaf community to be aware of when it comes to Deaf trans individuals, what would you like to share with us?

Blake: I feel like there are two groups in the Deaf community. There is a Deaf group that is already aware of trans and even sexual orientation identities, and they’re very understanding and supportive. One thing I want to say is thank you for showing that support, and spreading awareness to each other. On the other hand, I’ve noticed that there is still a lot of Deaf cisgender people, meaning people whose identity they were given at birth matches their current identity, who don’t know what it means to be trans. And it often comes out horrible. Like, I get bad DMs and comments on Instagram, even from the Deaf community too, and they say things like how being trans is a sin and that type of thing. Really, we are human. My identity doesn’t change who you are. That’s your life and my life. I’ve been seeing those types of Deaf people who don’t know and don’t understand. And they feel entitled to criticize my identity. One thing I want to share to that group is that we are human. We live our lives and want to be happy. We are who we are, and we are happy.

Zee: For Trans Awareness Week, it’s really important for all trans people including their family and friends to be loved. Always make sure to be there and show support to them for whatever they want to be. It’s not about them. It’s about what that person decides. It’s their choice. Make sure you support them, and be there. I think it’s just important to be open-minded and be willing to interact.

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“I would like for people to celebrate the fact that the Deaf community has so much diversity in it without erasing the identities of trans people that are Deaf, Black, Woman, and Indigenous in my case by simply acknowledging ALL of our intersectional identities and experiences that make us so unique.” - Asteria LaFaye Summers (Miss/Hers/She)

Blake: I want to add… Trans Awareness Week is meant to raise awareness, clearly. Everyone including myself is constantly still learning. I’m always learning new things. I always make mistakes even in my own trans community. Like when we were talking, I made a mistake with pronouns. That’s ok. That’s a learning experience. The best thing to do is to say thank you for criticizing me, and say that you’ll practice. My partner is nonbinary too, but looks female, like a woman. But they identify as nonbinary, so that was a new experience for me even though I’m nonbinary myself. I sometimes say “she” but their pronouns are they and them too. So, we’re all learning. It’s ok to make mistakes. It’s just important that you don’t intentionally use the wrong pronouns, on purpose. It’s okay to mess up and learn from it. We’re all humans.

Renca: I want to thank all three individuals for sharing. I want to add that there is a Deaf Queer Resource Center, DQRC, that hosts support groups for Deaf trans folks, Deaf trans youth, and signing parents of trans kids. They also have Deaf Queer Youth. You can look at their website. We’ve added their information in this status. Check DQRC’s page out! If you want to follow Zee, Blake and Asteria’s journeys, we added their social media information in this status too.